You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
