i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize