Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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