the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
