508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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