I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
