Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm always down for nudity.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
