if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
