His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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