dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
