I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
