I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
