haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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