need another drink. this is the easiest way
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
