I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
