he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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