I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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