They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
