Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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