I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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