return my video game
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All the doctor said was why
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
