no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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