Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
