Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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