i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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