maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
