I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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