She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
soo... how was my night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
