sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
