he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
