Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sober January is a disaster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
