While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
