I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
