were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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