my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
