Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
