where am i from again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize