I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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