we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
