My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
