remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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