That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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