So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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