yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
