he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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