I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
