We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
