im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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