quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize