I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We were destined to go to rehab together
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
