I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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