I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
