I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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