I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
