I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
