Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
