if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
