seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
