saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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