i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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