i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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