"it" just moved
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
