So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
