my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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