Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
