forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
now i know why i became what i already was.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
