The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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