the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize