You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
