I'm really into asian looking animals
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had sex on a roof
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
