Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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