it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love having hate sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need a burrito and a hug.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize